Over this past weekend, it dawned that I’ve come a long way in understanding the “Good Life.” The word “dawn” seems apropos to use since this epiphany came while participating in an overnight walk in San Francisco to raise money for suicide prevention. By the time that the sun came peeking out over the iconic San Francisco skyline the next morning, I realized that I’m living the life that I always wanted that would make my father proud.

An Ocean of Emotion
The event was full of emotions – there were dozens sharing how they found hope that prevented them from taking their own life; others shared how they have coped from losing a loved one unexpectedly. Hearing these inspiring stories from the 2,000+ participants reminded me of my own journey of once being a depressed teen who could understand my father’s death to being the person I am today.

I’m now a grown man who has an ideal life – I’m in incredible shape, I have a great job, and I usually have an excuse to celebrate something on the weekends. This is all great – but all the things that I just mentioned are on the surface level. My dad’s life was great on the surface, but he did not have the hope or joy to want to keep going.

Over the course of this walk, I was reminded of all the things that aren’t on the surface level that have given me a true taste of the Good Life. I’ve been able to feel love – in regards to a romantic sense to being passionate about the work I do at my job. I’m able to see and experience beauty all around me – from taking the time to admire a city mural to stopping to admire the full moon over the Golden Gate Bridge. I feel that I’ve been in a state of constant learning  – such as understanding the benefits to Yoga, to how to do public speaking, to studying psychology and how my own emotions are buried deep in my own subconscious mind.

The Stories that Touched Me
In addition to reflecting on what’s making my life meaningful, the event helped me encounter many amazing people who inspired me with their incredible stories. The night started with joining one of my good friends from Yale. Though we have been close friends for the past three years, I did not realize he lost his other brother just before we met. We had a great conversation and now feel like we have an even deeper friendship, knowing that we both have a similar scar that we can comfortably share with each other.

Then there was Dave who has recently had to have surgery of both of his hips. He relied on two hiking sticks to help him keep the weight off his legs. His doctor encouraged him to stay off his feet for any long period of time, but he was committed to walk this event in honor of his brother. His determination fueled him to complete the 18-20 mile journey.

I also met Carly who had just lost her twin sister a few months before. Though she was still grieving, she was able to find the strength to complete this highly emotional event. From the team she had joining her, I later learned that she had raised over $9,000 while still being a full-time student athlete who is in the middle of preparing for final exams.

I also met Christine who flew 3,000 miles the morning of the event. Her work schedule prevented her from taking any time off, so she would have to fly back out later that night after completing the 20-mile walk. Though it was not an ideal way to see San Francisco for his visit into the city, she said she would not miss out on participating in this annual event that rotates its location . She has successfully raised the $1000 minimum for the last 5 years since she lost a friend and considered suicide herself.

Even before the event, I was inspired by everyone’s generosity to help with my fundraising for this great cause. Knowing that I have friends and family who want to support me for an issue that I’m passionate about is something else fueling my Good Life. Thank you everyone!

The Overnight SF helped me take time to reflect on the joy I have in my life. I look forward to writing more on this blog in the future on how I’m experiencing the Good Life (and I promise to do a new post every week from here forward). I hope I’ll be able to help inspire you with the same joys I’m experiencing.

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There are two great days in a person’s life – the day we are born and the day we discover why.
— William Barclay

I trace my journey to find the “Good Life” back to the Ivory Tower of Yale University. I began my investigation into this subject after an unexpected conversation with a brilliant student.

It all started after a long day of classes at Yale. When I returned home from the library after dark, my next-door neighbor invited me to join her and some friends from Yale’s MBA program at her home for dessert. Though I needed to write an essay, I couldn’t refuse.

When you are a graduate school student with no source of income, you learn never to turn down free food, especially the type served at Yale parties and get-togethers. I also thought that hanging out with business students would allow me to take a break from my studies on philosophy and religion. Thinking too much about God and big-life questions can cause a headache, so it’s helpful to balance out the day by talking about less dense things like news, sports, and campus events. However, I was unable to avoid all talk about religion when someone asked me, “So what do you study?”

When I tell intellectual people that I enrolled at Yale Divinity School to study how religious faith shapes modern life, I usually get two reactions. The first is, “Oh, you must be one of those crazy religious types who believe that we should keep promoting superstitions that should have died out centuries ago.” The other reaction is a positive one that develops from the open-minded attitude at places like a university. The people with the positive response usually find it very interesting that I’d want to take a couple years to study life’s hardest questions, even though I have no desire to become a priest or work in a church. Fortunately, the reactions that night were more of the latter. The business students saw their Ivy League degrees as an investment to give them success in the business world; they saw my studies at the Divinity School as an investment for me to succeed in the game of life.

Others in the room wanted to move on from talking about religion, but one named Harsh Poddar wanted to hear more about what I had learned from my studies.

“Sorry, your name is Harsh?” I asked this young man from India who looked my age.

“Yes, just like the opposite of kind.”

My first impression of Harsh was that he would be a hard-working boss who would demand a lot from his employees. While he may be like that in the business world, I learned that this was far from an accurate description of his true personality. Harsh is not only a kind, considerate person, but he also shares my interest in wondering whether succeeding in life is something that is accomplished through religion, introspection, making money, relationships, social interactions, or a precise combination of all these.

That night we mainly talked about our views of religion. He explained that he had grown up as a Hindu in his hometown of Calcutta, India, but had been exposed to a variety of religions in his studies of economics and engineering at Duke University. He was very interested in what religion had to say in regards to the questions that business or science could not answer.

Noticing that our conversation was something in which no one else in the room was particularly interested, I asked Harsh if he would be free the next day to talk further.

The Heart of the Ultimate Question

Because it was such a beautiful day in Connecticut, we decided to forego meeting in a coffee shop and instead walked around Yale’s historic campus. What was supposed to be a 30-minute appointment on my schedule turned into a 2-hour walk during which we talked about what defines a successful life.

Experiencing success was not something new for Harsh. While in his early 20’s, he had already started two businesses in India (an IT firm and a shipping company) one of which is still in operation. Before graduating college, he had made more money than what many of his countrymen make in their lifetime. In business terms, he was already a success. With the help of Yale’s MBA, he is sure to be a great business leader for the rest of his life. But even though he has so much going for him in terms of business, Harsh admitted that he felt like there was something missing. He felt that he would not be ultimately fulfilled if he were only to continue his career path and make a billion dollars and appear on the cover of Forbes Magazine.

The rest of our conversation centered on topics that lie at the heart of the Good Life question. We asked each other, “What is the standard for determining good?” “What is more important: happiness, security, or success?” “How do we define things like happiness and success?” I promised Harsh then that we would keep each other accountable for trying to answer these questions. The rest of the chapters in this book are my attempt to do just that.

Learning from Different Perspectives

I include my discussion with Harsh at the beginning of this book because it highlights a theme about the Good Life that I wish to make clear. Harsh is someone from whom I unexpectedly learned a lot about life – he is younger than me, works and studies in the business field, and comes from a completely different religious system – yet I have been able to learn a lot from his perspective.

In reading this book, you may not agree with all the views of those I interviewed, but I hope you approach them with an attitude of wanting to learn from them. I have learned that no one has a complete understanding of the Good Life. Hopefully, in talking to a variety of people with unique perspectives, we can gain insight into what comprises the Good Life. After seeing life from their eyes and putting ourselves in their shoes, we should be able to formulate our own picture of the Good Life and how we can experience it more richly each day.

I was early taught to work as well as play,
My life has been one long, happy holiday
Full of work and full of play,
I dropped the worry on the way
And God was good to me every day.
— John D. Rockefeller, Age 86

It is one thing to wish to have truth on our side, and another thing to wish sincerely to be on the side of truth.
–Charles Koch

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For my book on the Good Life, I have interviewed hundreds of people to get their ideas and advice. I’ve talked to everyone from homeless people to former executives of multibillion dollar corporations. I’ve asked these people over a cup of coffee and even while running a marathon. Below are some of the best one-liners that I have received.

The Good Life is eating dessert first.
The Good Life is enjoying wherever you are in your life.
The Good Life is searching for the Good Life.
The Good Life is keeping your life simple.
The Good Life is different for everyone. But I think we all aspire to happiness and love.
The Good Life is fishing all day and not hearing any nagging from my wife or boss.
The Good Life is being a kid and never being ashamed of having fun by doing what you loved as a child.
The Good Life is a life full of family and friends.
The Good Life is about maximizing pleasure.
The Good Life is about money, sex, and power.
The Good Life is about finding God, the highest of all things in life.
The Good Life is taking one step at a time and successfully doing the tasks that are in front of you.
The Good Life is having more love than pain.
The Good Life is achieving your childhood dreams.
The Good Life is having a relationship with Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.
The Good Life is watching baseball at Wrigley Field.
The Good Life is about falling in love and staying in love, to a person or even a hobby.
The Good Life is babies and private school. No wait, private school, babies, then private school for your babies.
The Good Life is about finding meaning and purpose. You can find this through religion, your career, or riding your bike on the weekends.
The Good Life is in heaven, but it’s sometimes confusing where heaven is and how we get there.
The Good Life is simple; it’s just not easy.
The Good Life is having a Christ-centered marriage.
The Good Life is about having a perfect sense of peace in your life.
The Good Life is about giving back to society.
The Good Life is about forming community with friends and family.
The Good Life is understanding that you are not alone and you have others to share you pains and joys.
The Good Life is one full of passion.

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What is The Good Life?

Seeing that Ray was already touching on the Good Life question, I asked him specifically what he thought made up the Good Life.

“It’s funny that you mention that. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately – a journalist is writing my biography, and he asked me how I wanted him to end the book. I thought about how I wanted others to remember my life, and I want the book to end here,” he said pointing to the restaurant. “This is where I feel most content. This is a place where I feel at home. They all know me by name here.” He motioned toward the tall palm trees that lined the picturesque Los Angeles street in the distance. “This is a place where I’m able to enjoy good food and good weather. It’s the place where we go to celebrate things like my children’s baptisms. It’s also a place I can talk business, or a place I can relax and enjoy a glass of my own wine.”

His emphasis on the word “home” stuck out to me, partly because home has always been something that has characterized my Good Life. “What do you mean by home?”

“Just a place where I can feel at peace with myself.” Ray then went on to explain his physical home. It is a five-bedroom home that was located nearby. He admitted that is was nice and had more space than he needed, but it was far less extravagant than many of the homes in the area.  Even though I am sure he could have afforded a mansion in Bel Air or Beverly Hills, Ray seems to be the type that does not depend on having extra luxuries or outward signs of success. Ray’s focus on moderation helps him to be content with what he has and not got caught up in the endless cycle of wanting more.

You Gotta Love What You Do

Knowing that he had the unique perspective of being a professional athlete, I asked Ray what he has most enjoyed accomplishing through his careers. I was expecting him to mention wining the champion belt that eluded his father, but he admitted that he did not have a “favorite” career. He has loved all the things he has been able to do throughout his life. This is why he says that in order to have the Good Life, you have to learn to love what you do. He admitted that you do not have to been involved in multiple projects and careers like himself, but you do need to find some way to become passionate about where you are spending your time.

When I have talked to others who are Ray’s age about the Good Life, they talk a lot about the past, mentioning times when they were healthier, or more in love, or more excited about their future. Ray’s answer, however, did not have anything to do with past (even though his story of fame is one most envy). Instead, his Good Life is about enjoying the present in moderation so that it will him to enjoy his future in areas such as family, friends, film projects, side businesses, going to his church on Sundays, and enjoying a glass of wine with good Italian food. For Ray, he says all these great things which make up his Good Life are connected with his favorite restaurant that he visits each day.

Though Ray did not go into deep philosophical questions about the Good Life, he surely “hit on the nose” of the major topics echoed by others in this book; themes such as family, moderation, pursuing your passion, intellectual curiosity, taking time to enjoy what you have, and pursuing something that is higher than yourself. The future chapters of this book will highlight these themes and expand on them by showcasing the lives of others who have a unique perspective on them.

Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.

— Aristotle

Champions aren’t made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them – a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill.

–Muhammad Ali

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A champion shows who he is by what he does when he’s tested. When a person gets up and says ‘I can still do it’, he’s a champion.
— Evander Holyfield

I was passing time in a bookstore when someone called me to make a business appointment. The person asked if I wanted to join him for lunch at his “family’s restaurant.” I knew from this person’s page on Wikipedia that he was formerly a professional boxer and now works in the film industry in Hollywood. His instructions on the phone were simple: park in a back alley or in a garage off that ally. He said there would be a table waiting for us. The man’s voice had enough of an Italian accent that made this situation sound a little like a scene from The Godfather or The Sopranos.

The story that led me to this Good Life conversation is worthy of sharing. It all started when I was checking emails one day while I was at Yale. I had been applying to various jobs and was hoping I’d hear something back from a potential employer. What I found in my inbox that day was a job offer for something I had not even applied for.

Someone named Joey had sent an email to the address associated with my book The American Truth. He said that he had just finished reading my book and thought it was the most interesting book he had read in a long time. In the email, he asked if I had ever considered making it into a movie. Since my novel is based on conspiracy theories that many find absurd, I never know how to react to fan mail. Some of those who are interested in conspiracy have a reputation of not getting out that much, if you know what I mean. I usually just thank them for taking the time to write and acknowledge any questions they have. However, luck would have it that this reader was not one of those “crazy conspiracy theorist;” he was someone who had friends in Hollywood who wanted to pay me to get this book made into a movie.    After a few friendly emails and phone conversations, he bought the rights to The American Truth and paid me to write the screenplay.

This opportunity was special to me because I once envisioned myself as a professional screenwriter. I once considered abandoning my studies into business and religion to move out to Hollywood to become a noteworthy screenwriter. Fortunately, I listened to wise council back home and made the decision to continue my studies.

This new short-term project gave me a taste of what it would have been like to be a professional screenwriter. And, more importantly, it gave me the experience of what several say is a component of the Good Life – achieving the dreams you had in your younger days.

Hollywood Here I Come

After completing the script, I flew out to Los Angeles to meet one of Joey’s connections who was an owner of a production studio. There I was, a little-known writer from small town Georgia, flying across the country to meet with a big shot in Hollywood.

Though I grew worried that I was about to meet members of the Italian mob, I quickly realized that was just my imagination gone wild (I am a writer after all). The “family restaurant” was an upscale restaurant was in prime location in Santa Monica, one of the nicest areas in Los Angeles. I was instructed to go down an alley because the main street was a major highway that prevented you from making a left turn.

Unfortunately, no deals were made at the lunch meeting, and The American Truth will probably never hit the big screen. However, the whole experience was well worth it because this Hollywood “big shot” turned out to be an incredible person who knew all about the Good Life.

Fighting in the Blue Corner, Coming in at 135 lbs. …

Ray Mancini is currently the executive of Champion Pictures, but in a former life, he was a world-champion boxer who earned the nickname “Boom Boom” Mancini. Ray followed in his father’s footsteps and was able to claim the World Lightweight Champion tittle that eluded his father (his father’s hopes were shattered when he was drafted to fight in WWII and suffered from a serious wound in battle). After his boxing career, Ray used his prize winnings to pursue another one of his dreams of being an actor and producer of Hollywood movies.

The Family Restaurant

To discuss the screenplay, Ray invited me to join him for lunch at his “family’s restaurant” Il Forno. When I arrived there a bit early, I found that there was a table waiting outside with a “Reserved” card for us. “Wow,” I thought to myself, “the only thing missing is a red carpet leading to here.”

When he arrived, I started introducing myself when our waiter came up and asked, “What will it be for you today, Boss? The usual?”

“Yes,” he said in an accent that showed his Italian ancestry. “Start me off with the usual to drink, but I’ll look over your lunch specials.”

I couldn’t help but comment. “They call you Boss here? Didn’t you say that this is your family’s place?”

“Yes, but they aren’t my real family. I just say that because we’re so close; they’re like brothers and sisters.” He motioned above us to an office building on the second floor. “My office is right up there. I walk downstairs and come here every day for lunch.”

He then explained to me how he loved having a place where everyone knew him by name and respected him for the person he was, not just because he was a famous boxer or had connections in Hollywood. Nearly everyone at the tables surrounding us walked over to say hi and Ray generously introduced me to all his interesting friends and colleagues.

Eventually our waiter came back and set down a full glass of red wine in front Ray. “Here you are, Boss. One Boom-Boom. Now what can I get you for lunch?” Ray and the waiter then went on to have a discussion in which they talked with their hands on the best low carbohydrate option on the menu.

I turned my attention back to Ray’s drink. “Boom-Boom?” I asked, recalling that was his boxing nickname. “Do they know you so well here that they name a drink after you?”

“Not just at this place, wherever this wine is sold.” He went on to explain how he learned from his family how to enjoy a glass of wine with a meal. “I figured that if this is something I enjoy, I should invest in it and be involved in creating something that is up to my tastes.” He told me how he had fun visiting various vineyards and choosing the wine he most enjoyed. Ray contacted the vineyard and must have given the vineyard an “offer they could not refuse.” They have been partners ever since, selling this Cabernet Sauvignon with Ray’s personal name on the label. Ray admitted that he also enjoyed chocolate and cappuccino and was looking into creating a Boom Boom Bar and cappuccino brand soon.

I asked him if he had always been so entrepreneurial minded in wanting to be involved in so many different operations. He said that during his boxing career, he was forced to commit his whole life to the sport. However, he has always had a variety of interests. After he first retired, he started a cigar company in Los Angeles. He said that this business endeavor was like several that he has had – they are not very lucrative, usually they break-even, but they allow him to be involved in something that he loves and that is far more important than the possibility of more wealth.

As the waiter served us our bread, I noticed that Ray was careful to only have one piece with a little olive oil. I looked over Ray’s physique; he looked like he could still throw a mean left hook. “Is that your secret to keeping in shape and looking good – cutting carbs?”

“No, I just take everything in moderation. I had a lot of carbs for breakfast this morning so I figured I should cut back. This is one of the things that I’ve discovered in life — you got to take everything in moderation.”

As he was talking about moderation, a couple of muscular guys with tattoos walked up to our table. Ray introduced them to me as members of the Brazilian jiu-jitsu gym he opened a couple blocks away. One of them was a champion originally from Brazil, and the other bragged about how he was the better looking whom Ray had chosen to be an extra in one of his films.

“Wait a minute. You opened a Brazilian jiu-jitsu studio?” I asked. “You’re interested in boxing and martial arts?”

“Certainly. Like I said you’ve got to have balance. It’s great exercise. I can still go for over an hour on the [punching] bags and jump rope, but after six minutes of jiu-jitsu wrestling, I’m exhausted. It’s a workout for your entire body.”

Click to read Part 2 on Ray Mancini >>

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